As you go about your day, you proceed with your responsibilities, the mandatory things. As time goes bye, chances to do good, and evil present themselves. What you do with these chances is very important. You can make a wrong decision at any point, but realize it in the early stages, before your too far down a wrong path, and "break the fall". For instance, just the other day I started to drink with some friends, well, as I was drinking I realized that I probably should not be doing this. I stopped, put down my beer, and gave what I had left away. I broke the fall, granted initially I did choose wrong, but I did not stay in that decision, and at this stage of my life, I consider that a huge success! I fell into a hole that day, I was free falling into the depths of my folly, but I saw my mistake, reached out, caught hold of something, and climbed out before I was to deep in. I know I must take baby steps if I plan on surviving this transformation back to who I once was, I must count whatever I can possibly see as a success, as just that, success. I cannot allow myself to get discouraged when I choose wrong initially, but must find encouragement when I realize it early on, and choose to reverse what was started. This is what I'm trying to get across, in the early stages of trying to turn ones life around, many times, when opportunity for wrong presents itself, initially, out of habit, and in the moment, you will be down for it. But as you proceed in your actions, you will undoubtedly receive a check in your spirit, you will hear that voice telling you that you probably shouldn't be doing this. You have to know, the fact that your flesh was to weak is to be expected, don't get discouraged over this. You must heed that voice and stop yourself! If this is done, then you have a victory against yourself. With each time you do this, you will become stronger, and, eventually, by the grace of God, you'll arrive at the place where your flesh is the small voice begging you to falter, and the Braveheart within will be what is on the forefront controlling your day to day actions.
Getting to this place is not easy, I myself am not there yet by a long shot, but I see these small victories I'm winning daily, cutting my cigarette in half after lighting it up cause I hear a voice say I don't need it, putting down that beer I just cracked open, not texting that girl back after starting the conversation cause I know where it will lead. All those are victories, baby steps I tell myself. Don't expect yourself to be able to be the perfect person instantly, you'll set yourself up for discouragement then failure, you'll give up on yourself. I know, I've been there numerous times. In the past I tried to change, and I would see myself still wanting to do these worldly things, and I would think wow, your the same piece of crap you were, this is hopeless. Then I'd just jump head first back into it all cause I couldn't be content with small victories in the beginning. I wanted to do a 180 turn all of a sudden and expect my whole make up to change in a flash. Unfortunately its not that easy, if it was there would be no reason for grace. There is a price to pay, and a war to wage. Except this, and find your encouragement in anything you can, someday, you will arrive at the place you want to be, if you can stay the course, and be content with winning the small battles in the beginning. Do you think God would ask more of you than small battles when your so weak, so raw? How can you expect to do anything more? Who do you think you are to be angry at yourself over your inability to be perfect? Anyone who thinks they can change whenever, no problem, is a fool, bound for failure, until eventually, something like what has happened to me, comes around and slaps them awake in a rude way.
Getting to this place is not easy, I myself am not there yet by a long shot, but I see these small victories I'm winning daily, cutting my cigarette in half after lighting it up cause I hear a voice say I don't need it, putting down that beer I just cracked open, not texting that girl back after starting the conversation cause I know where it will lead. All those are victories, baby steps I tell myself. Don't expect yourself to be able to be the perfect person instantly, you'll set yourself up for discouragement then failure, you'll give up on yourself. I know, I've been there numerous times. In the past I tried to change, and I would see myself still wanting to do these worldly things, and I would think wow, your the same piece of crap you were, this is hopeless. Then I'd just jump head first back into it all cause I couldn't be content with small victories in the beginning. I wanted to do a 180 turn all of a sudden and expect my whole make up to change in a flash. Unfortunately its not that easy, if it was there would be no reason for grace. There is a price to pay, and a war to wage. Except this, and find your encouragement in anything you can, someday, you will arrive at the place you want to be, if you can stay the course, and be content with winning the small battles in the beginning. Do you think God would ask more of you than small battles when your so weak, so raw? How can you expect to do anything more? Who do you think you are to be angry at yourself over your inability to be perfect? Anyone who thinks they can change whenever, no problem, is a fool, bound for failure, until eventually, something like what has happened to me, comes around and slaps them awake in a rude way.
My hopes is this will encourage those who share my shoes, my journey. Maybe this next weekend, when you go out to a party or something, when you get there, you'll realize that you don't belong there. You'll heed the small voice, and just go watch a movie or something, "break the fall". Every time you do this, the voice will become stronger, and more confident, until eventually, it drowns out this crazy world. We are all in a journey, we each have our own battles, don't compare yourself to someone who is well ahead of you, its not a wrong thing that they are. If I tried to live like my Father does right now, an accomplished pastor and strong christian for more than my lifetime, I'd live in discouragement. Baby steps, be content with your small battles, fight them with honor, and God will slowly bring the big ones your way. God will never ask something of you, you cant do. So stop being a pansy, man up, and finish. haha, that last bit is more for me than anyone by the way. I personally cannot wait to see where this new mentality will take me. I long for the day when I can stand by my Father and play ball with the grown ups, fight the big battles. I cant wait til I'm in a place where I can leave my introverted ways, and reach out to others, and be able to help because of the place I'm in. I'm by no means strong enough for that at this point. The days not here yet, but until then, I am content with these skirmishes with myself. And once I have given myself a solid beat down, then, hopefully I'll be able to reach out too a struggling soul, and help guide them to solid ground, like my Fathers done for so many, through the grace of God. Ha, once again this is me just chasing my thoughts of late, hopefully someone, somewhere can take something of this for themselves. Thanks for reading.
